Funny Friday!

This is one of my all time favorites. I have heard it so many times before and with a few variations but it still gets me laughing really hard. I hope you enjoy it.

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard

'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on parrot.'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

Funny Friday!

This is a funny that was sent to me by my father. It is a commercial for some Kiwi Bacon. Make sure you watch this video all they way to the end to get the full effect. Also a special "THANK YOU!," to my sister Koreena who helped me figure out how to put the video up here and not just a link to it.

Luck Of The Irish

Which I so don't have today.Today started out with being woken up really early because of a loud crashing noise and when I was finally ready to go back to sleep (after hours of trying to do so) the alarm clock went off. The morning wasn't that bad just long; especially when the toilet decided to over flood on me for no reason. I decided that after that gross water experience that I needed to spend some time outside. Our weather has been really lovely lately, up in the high 60's and low 70's. So what better time to do needed yard work. I swept up our little patio and it looked good or at least it did until the wind blew a bunch of crap onto it again so I had to sweep it up a second time. I also sprayed some bug killing stuff onto our plants but the wind was so strong that I had to stand in just the right spot so I wouldn't get hit with it but I still did. Then when I came back inside I did a little laundry and our washing machine started to make some whistling noise and shaking a bit (that really made me nerves). I'm not sure what else to expect for the night after today. Why couldn't it be Friday the 13th? Now that day I have the best luck in the world!

Funny Friday!

For this funny you have to be old enough (or cool enough) to remember Abbott and Costello and if you don't know who they are then you have really missed out in life. You also need to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this weeks funny. This funny is for those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on.

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch,'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know... What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses
and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on 'START'.............

Funny Friday!

Sometimes you or someone you are talking to might say something that seems right in your head but it comes out wrong. Here are a few funnies that are like that.

.

Did I read that sign right?

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

.

In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

.

Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

.

In a Memphis department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

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In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

.

In an office:

AFTER COFFEE BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE COFFEE POT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

.

Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

.

Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

.

potted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS - PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

.

Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

.

Message on a leaflet:

IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

.

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

March Birthday Shout!

There are a lot of birthdays this month on both Michael and my side of the family. I guess that just means that this month is the best of the year to be born in. So happy birthday, in order, to Robert, Dawn, ME, Brandon, and Maren. I sure hope we all have a great one this month and make it very memorable too. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!